It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Why don't you understand I'm afraid of you
...and what you've done to me
.....and what you will do

Apparantly I'm a hero cookie...

I don't know why but that made me smile
maybe it's because I like cookies...
or because I like heroes...
or maybe because you guys are the best at bringing me up when I'm down
...even if you don't know it

Cry Baby

If you need me, you know, that I'll always be around if you ever want me...

She stands hard as stone in a world she can't rise above...

Second warning about work today...I didn't do anything
Do they expect me not to talk to my friends at all...
As if there wasn't enough already
Don't take Pan from me
...it truly is all that's left
What did I do that was so wrong?
Why am I the one being singled out?
I didn't start it, I didn't plan anything big, I didn't do anything to admin, and I didn't hurt anyone
And I stopped it
Please leave me
You said so yourself: "at what you do, you are the best"
So why am I the one who's staring down a bleak road?
I count down the days for camp to begin
...if it ends
.....What do I have left?

Last Night, She Said...

I can't dance this dance anymore
You say your sorry, I saw I know...
You want me back, I don't...
I just don't want to hurt anymore...don't you get it?
I asked you to find out why you keep going back...but you won't
It takes time for these scars to heal
And I'm running out

Can't wait till Monday
...it begins

Thank You

Shut Your Playboy Mouth

All these fucking lies...why did I believe you would stop?
Stupid ambiguous answers which just translates into you'll be pissed off at me so I'm not going to say anything...I'm even more pissed this way
I never thought a job could change a person this much...I know I don't change that much from work...at least I never hurt anyone.

Pan may be my mask...but it makes me stronger, what choice do I have...I need the strength more than ever right now...counting down until Pan emerges.
Got yelled at some more for the Ski Club, that's not me, but I felt like I belonged so I went with the flow, and now I'm the one whose ass in on the line.
Fuck
Who can I be if I can't be Pan anymore...

What I wouldn't give to be back in China...what I wouldn't give to walk to the reservoir with you one more time...
My sanity is escaping me...dizzy spells are becoming consistently worse
Uriah can you hear me?

Personality Evaluation...

You are a type 1C person

You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.

As soon as you think it's getting better...

Things are looking up, he's applying for both CPS and RCMP and now he's looking at a shit promotion that means he works later...wtf.
I knew he wouldn't change...but doesn't mean there isn't a part of me that hoped he could.
I'm a fool.
Smartest thing I did was leave before this...
Whatever happened to temporary solution...I'm losing patience with you now
You blew it
And tomorrow I think I'm going to take the pics down
Fuck you Majestic for ruining his life...

Knocking but no one seems to hear

All I need is someone to listen and there isn't a single person here who will

If he treated me so badly, and tried to break it off before, why do I take all the blame?
Why am I the one sitting here with tears streaming down alone?

I never wanted to hurt him
but I didn't want to be hurt anymore

I've been told to take a new direction, find a new path...
but why is the path I chose hidden behind an iron gate. Just when I think I've found a way in, another bar appears, this one taller than the one before it.

I guess Bowling for Soup is right...sometimes "all you need is an ice cream and a hug"

First Aid

So taking First Aid Re-cert a year early was the best idea of my life!
The First Aid lady we had was great and she taught us things we never learned before and made it so much fun...
Our test we took in pairs...thank you badger we did awesome!
After splints, bandages of varying sizes, fake epi-pens, inhalers and an AED we are all fully certified...again for some
It was great only a few hours and I got a card which is awesome being my last one disappeared with my wallet...
Anyhow I am now at the highest level of certification, and yes I can even assist in the delivery of a child...you never know how useful that can be

Uriah

?: Stabilo Boss

Well I know
We know
Yeah that you are here for me
You see
All the
The things I do to be
The one who sees
You in your bed

Sometimes I wake
Up and I can't see a thing
I'm left in the dark alone
But then I hear the sweet words in my dreams
Are left inside of my head

I know we're all like each other
Yeah, you're like me too
So I cross my heart and hope you cry
But it only matters if I do

Help me
Help me
Yeah, to see the things I do
I'm not right and
I'm made as pure as the God who created you
And placed you with me

My heart
has been
Tryin' to speak to you for years
I've held back because
I've never talked to an angel
But I see one when I look in your eyes

I know you're not trying in your actions
Yeah you're just being you
So, God help me if I'm wrong but
I love all the things you do

You do now
So take
Take me into your arms
Let me hold
Your hand
Can you feel me
Lost in your heart
Take to the sky
Spread your whole wings
Come along
Yeah, with you I can fly
Can you hear me
I know I need to cry

And I want to give to you
All the things and all the things and all the things
Money cannot buy
Money cannot buy

And I know
We know
Yeah, that you are here for me
You see all the, the things I do to be
The one who sees
Yeah, you in your bed

And I look in your eyes
I look in your eyes
Yeah you bring me you feel me
To see what I see
Now not look up not look down
One and one into the street
Turn to the street

Conflicted

There is a road that forks in the middle of the woods...

Found a New Outlet

Thank you for listening and Thank you for teaching me to live again

Since that day I haven't but if I do...I have found my outlet...I missed it

Lovely

Someone lobbed an assload of dog shit at our house...lovely
Fuck You

Love Shines

This song reminds me of my time in China for many reasons. What is being said is a very universal message regardless of the side note in the title. Love actually is all around us....

Love Shines (A Song For My Daughters About God)
Live

On a crystal clear blue morning
There is a peace that only you can know
It is truth and love and it is always there
Even if you fall down
Even if you fall down
Love shines

Oh, it shines
Like an eternal sun, it shines
Oh, love shines
Like an eternal sun, it shines

Think of gentle Jesus
Think of the Buddha underneath his tree
They taught the world about love and how we all can be
How we can all be free
Open our hearts and see
Love shines

Oh, it shines
Like an eternal sun, it shines
Oh, love shines
Like an eternal sun, it shines
Oh, it shines
Like an eternal sun, love shines

It shines
Like a revolution in your mind
Like a revolution in your mind
Like a revolution in your mind

On a crystal clear blue morning
There is a peace that only you can know
It is truth and love and it is always there
Even if you fall down
Even if you fall down
Love shines

Oh, it shines
Like an eternal sun, it shines
Oh, love shines
Like an eternal sun, it shines
Oh, it shines, baby
Like an eternal sun, love shines

It shines, shines, shines, shines, shines
Love, it shines, shines, shines, shines, shines
Love, it shines, shines, shines, shines, shines
Love shines

Believe

An open ended word for an open ended blog...fitting.
I believe in many things, and many people for that matter
I believe in one love
and my dad
I believe in the power of a single person
and the innocence of children
I believe in fate
and the notion that everything is eventual
I believe in unsung heroes
and a man that is much wiser than his years
I used to believe in girl power and wish chips
but I still believe in shooting stars
and I will always believe in the supernatural
and faeries
I do believe in faeries I do I do