So it's been a year or so...a lot happens in a year

After graduating its like ok now what...no job, well not related to what I want. My parents shipped out to BC so moved in together with Mitchell, and part time Aidan. On Feb 5 we got engaged!!! I suppose thats exciting, I just wish there was someone here to be excited with, I don't even have a clue who would be my maid of honor especialy since I left trico and now none of my friends from there even remember I exist, even though most of them left too. Wedding planning alone isn't as fun as it seems

PANDAS!!!!

So we are supposed to FINALLY be getting Pandas on loan to the Calgary Zoo but not until 2018...so I'll be almost thirty by the time they get here...OMG I feel old. I was so excited two years ago when they first announced it and now its another 6 years to wait gah!!! Better hope the hat and mitts still fit!

Starting New...

...but what needs to be new is you...not me
I don't know how to be without you but it hurts to be with you
I have been seizing so much because of the stress...but there is no one I trust to be around me when I seize more than you.
I just don't know what to do
I can't leave, I don't know how
I'm not cheating on you...I couldn't do that
I can't hurt this badly
I wish she would disappear for a bit so it would be easier to figure this out

Give Me One Reason...

You cheated, and lied and know I have an envelope full of the messages on my windshield from someone who knew. What do I do now? You never hit me, used me, forced me to sleep with you or took money from me, but this hurts and I don't know how much of this pain I can sit through. The things you said to her while you were sitting next to me is sick but the fact I believed your lies is even worse. I wish I knew how to ask...

"Help I need somebody..."

I'm not as strong as you think I am
I've cried myself to sleep every night, in every shower and in the car before/after work for weeks. I don't know how much longer I can do this, I wish I didn't dream about crashing my car or deliberately take that corner a little faster but I do. I need help but I don't know how to ask.

FIRST LESSON!!

Ok so today...Jan 19 2011
I taught the grade 4 math
I wrote my own lesson plan (I have done for my small group before too) but this time was the larger group (not the threes, but the 4s)
...
I taught them tenths...you know the digit after the decimal.
I was SOOOO nervous to start but I was at the front of the class at the whiteboard teaching my kids it felt SOOO good SOOO good. Like you have no idea as the lesson progressed so did my confidence and I was just elated to be what I want to be. This day also kind of told me that I could do this.

The lesson itself was pretty dull and the kids felt it, but in future I will spice them up a bit, especially when the other group, in this case the threes are doing a seemingly more enjoyable excersize.

Day 5

So today was a real true test of this Botox treatment
the weather is shitty so I'm dressed in a ton of layers and wandering on campus in these layers usually causes most people to sweat at least a little. Usually in these situations I sweat...alot. Today however, dry, not like 1000% dry but dry nonetheless, so amazing! I am very happy with the results so far and with only minor side-effects

Botox Day 2

Ok so got the treatment yesterday
33 needles in one arm and 39 in the other
so after 72 needles yeah I'm fucking sore
Insurance covered the actual Botox, potentially the injection fee as well. This was a huge stress reliever as I can't afford an $800 treatment at the moment.
Last night Rich spent the night, for a few reasons but mainly so someone would be there if anything happened, he also drove me to and from appointment...waiting about an hour and a half for me as well. He's really great.
Aside from some nausea, pain, chest pain and weird swallowing issues, I was ok. No real issues although the chest pain was really scaring me so I sat up for about an hour...I didn't wake him up though, I felt kind of bad...especially because I made him sick too.
Today I am doing much better, still very very sore and quite out of it as well. Had to work but its ok with me, I did nothing at work.

Botox???

After nine years of:
wearing only black and white
avoiding tshirts/long sleeves
changing my shirt at school/work
not raising my hand in class when I know the answer
and avoiding social situations

I am finally in for my consultation for Botox treatment for my Hyperhidrosis. I am so excited that this is finally underway. I am nervous and scared, but SO excited. After my appointment I will post the information about cost, coverage, etc.

Wish me luck
:)

2011

So I rang in the New Year with a really great guy and some great friends...lets keep this year going great...even with the Strep.

I am also hoping for next semester my luck changes. After my first Field Instructor made my semester a living hell and attempted to fail me, I am transferred for January. As of yet there is no news that she has failed me but I still worry and its eating me slowly. If she doesn't fail me (which I will fight if she tries) I am looking forward to starting next semester as a much stronger and more confident student as well as student teacher.

I cleaned and mostly organized my room and now have an 'educational resources' bookshelf...this is really happening.

On a side note for 2011. I wish all of you out there the best of luck in all your endeavors, especially Rich in quitting smoking...I believe in you, even if you don't!

That is all
Happy New Year

Its the first day of the rest of our lives

Being in the education program is a lot like herding cats...not cattle but cats. Currently its a mess, no real schedule yet, bookstore lost 144 copies of the required manuals, no placements, holy man I'm already shitting myself about being a real student teacher in a week and a half this doesn't help. There are so many questions running through my mind about what to do who to talk to and where the hell to go, but for now I must continue herding cats and hope that soon enough cat herding will be done and life will resume, in a much more educated way.

Princess Snuggles

I don't know what more you want from me
You were friendly
then REALLY friendly
then friendly
then iffy
now avoidy
So I planned your entire birthday, shopped for hours after work to make it perfect, got to work 2 hours early to set up and made sure everyone signed the shirt for you...then on Friday you back out, please tell me its not because of me.
Monday you chilled until Kicks came...is it Kicks?
gah Princess Snuggles just answer your phone...just once...please?
Pan

I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her

The End is Nigh

So I'm officially done my third year...whats next?
Another two...or more?
I just hope this term went well...or at least the grades do
Another year done...lets not fuck up again..ok?

Exam 1 tommorow

CNST 401.13
last Canadian Studies exam ever
kind of bittersweet I'd better own it!

Have you ever thrown a fistul of glitter into the air?

If he told you, why are you doing this?
Do you not understand how broken I am without this bullshit
really
I trusted you

Racism...

I do NOT think Racism should be tolerated at the University of Calgary.
We have dealt with racism before, mainly in the form of racial slurs on campaign posters and bathroom stalls but what is proposed for tommorow night is completely out of line.
Ann Coulter is coming to the University of Calgary (moved the Red and White Club) tommorow night at 7pm, to spread her message. Those who are not aware of who she is should look her and make thier own opinions from there. I have no problem with her right to speak in Calgary, however if she is going to spread messages of racism and hate then I will not stand by and tolerate it. My best friend is Muslim and if she has the balls to stand up and say that he can't fly because of his race and that instead he should take a magic carpet or a camel, well you're asking for woman.

I screw up everything or so it seems...

Went on a date with this guy
It went well, I had fun, a lot of fun
A couple of days later change my facebook status to FOTC song
...next thing I know he won't talk to me and he has a girlfriend
now he wants me to date his friend...

A Kiss is Not a Contract...

but its very nice, very very nice.

Hung out with you once, kissed yes, but doesn't mean we are suddenly an item...sorry

I'm no one special...

I can't do this
Just one friend that's all I want
She won't hang out with me anymore...I shouldn't be surprised but I did hope it would happen, can you blame me?
He's avoiding me since he has her...no surprise again, but really he was the one I was counting on staying
Now his 21st is even planned while I'm away...and I know it was planned that way.