PANDAS!!!!

So we are supposed to FINALLY be getting Pandas on loan to the Calgary Zoo but not until 2018...so I'll be almost thirty by the time they get here...OMG I feel old. I was so excited two years ago when they first announced it and now its another 6 years to wait gah!!! Better hope the hat and mitts still fit!

Starting New...

...but what needs to be new is you...not me
I don't know how to be without you but it hurts to be with you
I have been seizing so much because of the stress...but there is no one I trust to be around me when I seize more than you.
I just don't know what to do
I can't leave, I don't know how
I'm not cheating on you...I couldn't do that
I can't hurt this badly
I wish she would disappear for a bit so it would be easier to figure this out

Give Me One Reason...

You cheated, and lied and know I have an envelope full of the messages on my windshield from someone who knew. What do I do now? You never hit me, used me, forced me to sleep with you or took money from me, but this hurts and I don't know how much of this pain I can sit through. The things you said to her while you were sitting next to me is sick but the fact I believed your lies is even worse. I wish I knew how to ask...

"Help I need somebody..."

I'm not as strong as you think I am
I've cried myself to sleep every night, in every shower and in the car before/after work for weeks. I don't know how much longer I can do this, I wish I didn't dream about crashing my car or deliberately take that corner a little faster but I do. I need help but I don't know how to ask.

FIRST LESSON!!

Ok so today...Jan 19 2011
I taught the grade 4 math
I wrote my own lesson plan (I have done for my small group before too) but this time was the larger group (not the threes, but the 4s)
...
I taught them tenths...you know the digit after the decimal.
I was SOOOO nervous to start but I was at the front of the class at the whiteboard teaching my kids it felt SOOO good SOOO good. Like you have no idea as the lesson progressed so did my confidence and I was just elated to be what I want to be. This day also kind of told me that I could do this.

The lesson itself was pretty dull and the kids felt it, but in future I will spice them up a bit, especially when the other group, in this case the threes are doing a seemingly more enjoyable excersize.

Day 5

So today was a real true test of this Botox treatment
the weather is shitty so I'm dressed in a ton of layers and wandering on campus in these layers usually causes most people to sweat at least a little. Usually in these situations I sweat...alot. Today however, dry, not like 1000% dry but dry nonetheless, so amazing! I am very happy with the results so far and with only minor side-effects

Botox Day 2

Ok so got the treatment yesterday
33 needles in one arm and 39 in the other
so after 72 needles yeah I'm fucking sore
Insurance covered the actual Botox, potentially the injection fee as well. This was a huge stress reliever as I can't afford an $800 treatment at the moment.
Last night Rich spent the night, for a few reasons but mainly so someone would be there if anything happened, he also drove me to and from appointment...waiting about an hour and a half for me as well. He's really great.
Aside from some nausea, pain, chest pain and weird swallowing issues, I was ok. No real issues although the chest pain was really scaring me so I sat up for about an hour...I didn't wake him up though, I felt kind of bad...especially because I made him sick too.
Today I am doing much better, still very very sore and quite out of it as well. Had to work but its ok with me, I did nothing at work.